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Even when you’re old, I’ll take care of you. Even when your hair turns gray.

Isaiah 46:4-5 Even when you’re old, I’ll take care of you.
Even when your hair turns gray, I’ll support you. I made you
and will continue to care for you. I’ll support you and save you. To whom will you compare me and make me equal? To whom will you compare me so that we can be alike?

My hair turned gray when I was 50 which doesn’t seem that long ago. I noticed it growing out on vacation when I had jumped out of the pool and ran into the ladies room and saw my wet hair plastered down in the mirror. I was extremely curious as to what it would look like. So, when I returned home, I went to my hair stylist and asked her to cut it all off! I absolutely loved the color and the cut.

Well, it wasn’t met with much enthusiasm at home. I suppose my spouse didn’t want to face the fact that we were both getting older.  

Eventually I went back to coloring it. But, I kept it really short for several years as it was such an easy cut to keep looking nice all the time and not stringy long hair.  But, men like long hair. And women with short hair sometimes are judged to be feminists. Incredible how we make first impressions. I used to dress relatively artsy and my pixie cut seemed to me to be youthful and easy to maintain. I never was a person to labor over getting ready in the morning and spending hours in front of the mirror. I have always had a simple efficient routine and perhaps have been blessed with good genes. I used to look older for my age as a teenager, and younger than my age as an adult.

Eventually, I decided to grow out my short cut and also stop coloring it. My hair grew fast, so I became a slave to the beauty salon and by that time in my life, I wasn’t in a position to afford it. But I also loved the look of my gray hair. 

My faith conversion began to strip me of many worldly things, I suppose hair dye was one of them. I really loved the way that my gray hair looked anyway. The variation in the color was something that would be hard for a colorist to duplicate.

 
When I allowed God’s plan for my hair take over … I suddenly noticed just how many people dye their hair. Pretty much ALL women dye their hair. Young women and old women. But I also noticed the women who allowed their gray hair to shine. And many were widows. Which kind of makes sense in a way. Women want to please their husbands and after they depart from this world, they can actually be who God made them to be. I mean, I get it that looking younger can help you “feel” good about yourself. But, I wonder if that is because of the way society disrespects people of age. I saw how people’s perceptions changed because of your hair color. Prejudice exists. And we have become such a visual and sexualized society. Natural beauty is all but shunned. 

Our culture has lost respect for gray-haired people. I see this all the time on social media. The term “boomer” now has a pejorative connotation often invoked by younger adults as ad hominem responses when they don’t agree or just want to be shills. It almost evokes rage against the boomer generation. I suppose one could get into the why’s and how’s there is such disrespect for older humans and devaluing their life experiences. Even with healthcare, we see legislation for “complete lives” and support for euthanasia, and assisted suicide, the proliferation and normalization of hospice. 

 
And, I suppose gray hair is a factor in interviewing for jobs and looking for work as a displaced human being. In fact, I know it is a factor. I admit, I used to be cautious about hiring older people when I was in the role of a manager and in my 30’s. But, with age comes wisdom and a mea culpa. 
 

Proverbs 20:29 Proverbs We admire the strength of youth and respect the gray hair of age.

But you know, there is a saying, “To thine own self be true.” and the thought of deceiving a potential employer by dousing my head with hair dye to make me appear to be more youthful, at this point just seems to be ridiculous and vain. I have more energy and creativity than people half my age. It may be a streak of defiance and resistance to conform to the world that I still have … because I want to be authentic at this point in my life. I spent too many years trying to live a life that “society ideologies” wanted to conform me to … and did bend my will for many years.
 

Proverbs 16:31 Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained in the way of righteousness.

Gray hair and aging is a natural part of life and more people should see it as a blessing rather than a curse. It shows wisdom in age, experiences in life, and gray hair brings respect as well. God will always be with you no matter what age you are.
 
Psalm 71:18-19 Even when I am old and gray, do not abandon me, O God. Let me live to tell the people of this age what your strength has accomplished, to tell about your power to all who will come. Your righteousness reaches to the heavens, O God. You have done great things. O God, who is like you?

To God be the glory.

 
VF

 
 
 
Blog

Where to begin?

I have been on a journey.  Where to begin telling my story?

I am sitting  looking at a blank page, but in my head a whirlwind of stuff is flying all around. 

Conversion

The year that I converted to the Catholic faith [2014] was a big year for me in terms of my growth in faith. I credit the man I was dating at the time for introducing me to Mary, the Rosary, the Divine Mercy Chaplet and the doctrine of the faith. He gave me a book in 2012 about the apparitions in Medjugore: The Message — In Medjugore, Jesus’ Mother Mary was appearing to visionaries. I consumed that book from cover to cover. It was written by Wayne Weible — a protestant — who had travelled there out of curiosity, but  God called Him to write about what was happening there.  And his life was forever changed. He passed away in 2018, but his work touched many people. 

As I always say in my testimony, growing up in the protestant faith, Mary,  was reduced pretty much to a figurine in the little manger set that sat under the Christmas tree every year. Other than the Christmas story, I had no understanding of her story, her life and how important she is in Christianity. I had once asked a priest about statues and pictures of Mary and saints and he asked me this simple question. “Do you have pictures of your relatives hanging up in your house in picture frames?” My answer, “Well, yes.” He replied, “Well, Mary, Joseph, and the Saints are people that we love and want to be reminded of, so we put pictures of them up.

Made perfect sense to me! 

Today, my home is adorned with pictures of Jesus, Archangels, Saints and Mother Mary, not to mention St. Joseph. 

Well, as I continued to delve deeper into the faith by praying the Rosary, attending mass and starting the RCIA (Roman Catholic Initiation for Adults) program, I knew that the Catholic faith was the one true faith.

The Rosary is an amazing practice of prayer that includes meditation on the life of Christ. Each mystery is a meditation on key aspects in the life of Christ. There are fruits (virtues) connected to each mystery that help you reflect on your own journey that deepens faith. 

There were other sign posts along the way. I had landed a teaching job where they conducted orientation meetings for new hires. It just so happened that a seminary was part of this institution. The head of the seminary came in to talk to the newly hired faculty. He presented a timeline to outline the history of the denomination of the seminary. At the very top left of the slide beginning at the edge of the screen was a solid red line that continued all the way across the screen, labeled — Catholic Church. Mid-screen  a vertical line was drawn pointing down to delineate the protestant split from the Roman Catholic Church. When I looked at that slide, it  was a visual epiphany cementing the fact that the Catholic Church is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow and was the true church of Christ.

As I began my conversion journey, I was encouraged by the Church to go through the annulment process. I had been married two times by this time in my life.  

I had poor formation on the sacrament of marriage — that it is a permanent, once-in-a-lifetime, God-ordained state of life. And growing up, my family of origin suffered from the divorce of my parents in the late 60’s. So, the reality of marriage being a lifetime commitment from my perspective was destroyed.  

I had a very short-lived marriage in my late teens as a sophomore in college. We met in college and were from two different States. I met him as a fraternity little sister and dated my first husband for about eight months before we got married. He was a senior, I was a sophomore. He graduated in spring, got a great job, we married and were off to start our new life together in a different State. That entire chapter of my life is a book in itself.

The marriage ended in five years with no children, much to my own immaturity, poor choices and generally messed up notions. This was the marriage that was to be annulled. What I will say about this process was that it was very helpful and healing in many ways. For me it was difficult because we hadn’t known each other very long, came from different cities and for me most of my witnesses had died as the marriage had been more than forty years prior.

I didn’t have any issues starting the annulment process, in fact I really wanted to be “right with God” — I had screwed up my life enough through my own sins so the opportunity to repair some of the damage was a gift. The Church wanted me to annul my first marriage which was to a protestant in a protestant church. 

If you aren’t familiar with the reason why the Catholic Church would want an annulment for that marriage even though I was a protestant married to a protestant in a protestant church. The reason is the Catholic Church recognizes one baptism and so we were considered legitimate Christians, and we were married in a protestant church. Therefore, that marriage had to be reviewed to determine if it was a valid union. 

I had only two main witnesses to count on for testimony because everyone else who knew us were deceased. My husband did not contest the annulment. It actually took awhile to locate where he lived. The entire process took several years and I was eventually granted an annulment.

My second marriage was to a cradle Catholic. He had a prior marriage before in the Catholic Church. He had never sought an annulment for his first marriage.  We were married by a Justice of the Peace not in a church, so the marriage in the eyes of the Catholic Church was lack of canonical form. This marriage lasted for thirty-three years and ended in 2011 not by my own choosing. My life took me to a road less traveled, although I have traveled many miles. 

I entered the RCIA program in 2013 and was confirmed into the Roman Catholic Church at Easter in the spring of 2014. Life has never been the same since. 

As time permits, I hope to write more about my story. 
In the meantime, I am working on humility, love of neighbor, poverty of spirit, obedience, joy, patience, perseverance, sorrow for sin, purity, courage, faith, hope, love of God and trust — oh, and Latin!

I have my work cut out for myself 🙂

Christ’s Peace Be With You.

And so my journey continues! 

Blog

A Rose by Any Other Name

My Confirmation Name
Written March 30, 2014

Veronica Faustina

I struggle daily with my conversion in so many ways. It has been an extremely challenging journey coming back to Christ and into the Catholic Church on so many levels.

And to have to now pick a confirmation name – no pressure – to pick the right name, who will it be? Will it be the right one? I want the name I pick to have longevity, so that my confirmation name (the Saint or Saints that it represents ) will continue to inspire me throughout my life.

Early in the RCIA program when I began to contemplate what name to pick for my confirmation name, I looked through quite a few books and websites for names. I really wanted to pick a name of a saint who was alive in Jesus’ time – someone who was actually there.  Initially I was inspired by St. Luke as he was supposedly very close to Mary and was an artist. It was said that She allowed him to paint her portrait – which was rumored to be the “black Madonna” of Poland. That was intriguing to me – as I am an artist – a creative person. But, for some reason I was prodded to continue looking.

The name Veronica soon stood out. I thought about the fact that she is named in the Station of the Cross, but she is not named in the Bible. And in my research there is some debate whether that was her real name. But symbolically for me, she represents someone who saw Jesus’ suffering and His torment from all of the humans around him. She was a nobody in the crowd but, she was moved with courage to help Jesus when nobody else would. She offered Him her veil to wipe his bloody, battered and beaten face — an incredibly inspiring gesture of compassion.

I cannot imagine how the people of that time could have stood by and cold-heartedly watch this horrifying, barbaric ordeal. But she was not afraid to step out and to help Him. We don’t know anything else about this woman. She is sometimes identified with the woman who had the issue of blood and was cured. She is thought to have cured the Emperor Tiberius with the veil, after which, she gave it to Pope St. Clement.  The name Veronica means “true icon.” According to Bl. Anne Catherine Emmerich, St. Veronica’s actual name was Seraphia. After I found out about the fact that she was not named in the Bible – I thought that was even better that she was nameless – that her gesture was more than her “I” … she was less, He was more.

After I thought about this as a confirmation name, my painting teacher – who has an awesome blog about her work  — happened to do a post about Veronica on her website. There are no coincidences. She did not know that was the confirmation name I was going to pick.

Here is an excerpt from her painting blog about Veronica:

Icon-painters follow a very strict (and relatively modern) protocol, but there is a small class of them for which no human agency is claimed: the Acheiropoieta, or “Icons Made Without Hands.” These are always images of either the Virgin Mary or Jesus. They are said to have come into existence miraculously or during the life of Christ.

There are more of these than you might suppose. In Orthodoxy, the most famous are the Image of Edessa and the Hodegetria. In Catholicism, they include the Shroud of Turin and the Virgin of Guadalupe, which sprang into existence in 1531 in Mexico.

 Among these should be counted a relic that went missing in the 17th century. In its day, it was one of the most famous wonders of the Christian world, a symbol for the Corporal Works of Mercy. This is the Veronica, a strip of linen veil on which a compassionate bystander wiped Jesus’ face on his way to the Cross.

The name Veronica is a conflation of Latin vera (true) and icon (image). It originally referred to the veil itself, but over time was applied to the nameless woman who held it.

I sat with just having the name Veronica for a while, but continued to pray about it and to be open to the Holy Spirit’s inspiration. Of course, I thought that Mary would be the ultimate name to want to emulate in one’s life.  She is strength, beauty, grace and compassion. One day when I was praying a Hail Mary, the word “grace” became so clear and strong to me – “full of grace” I thought that “grace” be an excellent name … as grace is a gift from God and Mary was full of it and I need so much grace in my life. So I asked whether a virtue could be used for a confirmation name. But since it must be a Saint – I kept looking.

I have been doing a series of 15 prayers of St. Bridget since July 6, 2013 . You are to do this devotion for 365 days and I have been committed to this task. I researched her story and I considered her name, as she had been married, then devoted her life to Christ – contemplated how many scourges Christ had been given. He appeared to her and taught her these prayers – that if recited over a year would equal the number of scourges He endured. She was a Christian mystic, started convents and also lobbied hard to get the Holy See back to Rome in her time – an amazing woman. But for some reason, her name didn’t seem to resonate with me although her prayers have been with me daily for quite some time.

But to my surprise, the name Faustina came to me this week. I had gone to the adoration chapel on Saturday. I had an hour before I had to be someplace and I stopped in. I picked up a booklet on the Stations of the Cross and it had included writings from St. Faustina Kowalska. I had started to read her biography a year ago, but never finished it. But the first time I was taught the Divine Mercy Prayer, there was an instant connection to this devotion. It is a very powerful prayer. Well, her writings in relation to the Stations of the Cross connected with me on a very deep level. And at that moment in the chapel, it came to me that I should also choose her name. She was a mystic, devoted to Christ. She was ridiculed and thought crazy at first until they had her undergo psychiatric evaluation. It was written in the research that I found on her that no one around her knew all that she suffered during her life – except for her confessor. And the diary that she wrote throughout her life is an inspiration and testimony of her faith.

For me, I have lived a lot of my life leading and giving direction to others. A position that I know has created false pride and arrogance in my life. But through my conversion, my studies about Mary, about Sister Faustina and rediscovering God’s word – and His word becoming alive to me, I have discovered the beauty in not having all the answers – and many times – no answer – but to wait for God’s answer. I have discovered a really amazing grace – and that is peace and strength that comes through one’s silence. Keeping restraint by not having to get the last word.

I have worked on giving up my ego – which taught me that I didn’t have to be in the limelight, or get the credit. This has been very hard for me, but it has been a blessing in many ways— It is how Christian writings say you need to “die to oneself.” This has given me a totally different perspective on the world and has opened my eyes to how much of our world today is centered around “I” – we idolize ourselves. When the “I” is taken out of my thoughts in a situation, peace is revealed in the midst of chaos and I am grateful to God for this gift.

The other aspect is silence. It is a powerful protection against people who want to attack you, or have power over a situation in so many situations, home, work, school or even just driving down the road. I have discovered silence and am amazed at some miraculous outcomes. So much of my life in the past has contributing to all the noise pollution around us.

Silence goes hand-in-hand with letting go of “I” …

So, by Veronica’s courage to step out and leave her ego to show compassion to Christ and by Sister Faustina’s strength in silence and a life dedicated to showing mercy to others. Both of these women have qualities that I hope to continue to aspire to as a confirmed Catholic.

Veronica Faustina is my desired confirmation name.

And so it is 🙂